


Best Laid Plans

by oldandnewfirm



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-25
Updated: 2012-04-25
Packaged: 2017-11-04 07:31:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/391327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oldandnewfirm/pseuds/oldandnewfirm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p> In which Gold just wants some special time with his lady, and the universe says NO. Inspired by the discussion about the lack of safe sex practices in Rumbelle fic, and a later suggestion of how that could be turned to hilarity. </p>
            </blockquote>





	Best Laid Plans

This was the way they could have been— _should_ have been—if he hadn’t been such a fool. Belle’s hair spilled over the contours of Gold’s fingers as though it had been made for nothing else. He nuzzled her jaw, savoring the minty perfume of her favorite shampoo mingling with a milder scent that was uniquely _her_. He tore himself away, finally, when she bumped his cheek with her chin, and he rose to meet her eyes blinking up at him, and the kiss-swollen curve of her smile.

Her fingertips rose to frame his jawline, pulling him down for a kiss that made him wonder why he’d ever need to breathe again when her lips alone could make him feel so alive.

“Rum,” she gasped, when they broke away.  Gasped because his hand had skittered over the bare curve of her breast, down her stomach, and come to rest on the inside of her thigh, high enough to make her hips roll in anticipation. He chuckled low and dark against the corner of her mouth, then he began kissing, nipping, and suckling a line that started at her chin and went down, down, down…

She wound her fingers in his hair and tugged gently. “Rum, wait.”

He sat up, feeling cold tendrils curl around the lust in his belly. Of course. He’d pushed her too far, too fast. He should have stopped after they kissed at the foot of the stairs. He should have stopped _her_ when her little hands flicked off his suit jacket as though it was an annoying bug before she turned her attention to the buttons of his dress shirt. It was one thing to want, but another thing to have, and after what she’d been through it only made sense she would need more time to adjust.

“Nothing’s wrong,” she said quickly, as though sensing his doubts. “But before we go any further, I just wanted to make sure that you had some…protection.”

He tilted his head. “Protection?”  Then, “ _Oh._ ”

It was the “Oh” of a man who had just consulted his mental catalogue of all the items currently stored in his abode, and who had come away with the realization that “protection” was not on that list.

Belle smiled gently. “Which isn’t to say we’ll _always_ need it. But for now…”

“No, no, of course, I agree completely.” He shook his head, then he rose from the bed and started re-buttoning his shirt. “Tell you what. Hold… _that—”_ His eyes raked over her half-nude form, drawing a blush to her cheeks. “—And I’ll be back before you’ve missed me.”

“I’ll do my best,” she said, “But hurry. I’m starting to feel lonely already.”

He gave her a sympathetic look, then leaned down to give her a parting kiss that soon had her fisting the fabric at his shoulders and whimpering against his mouth.

He hoped the sheriff wasn’t about this late in the afternoon, because his car was going to be setting some land speed records running this particular errand.

* * *

He must have missed the town meeting that determined six o’ clock on Sunday evening was the ideal time to visit Dark Star Pharmacy. The line started at the counter and wound halfway across the store back into the beverage section. Gold wondered how easily he could buy his way out of a conviction if he chose to club everyone in front of him with his cane.

“Hello Mr. Gold,” said Mr. Clark over the shoulder of the old woman who was hobbling away from the counter with her walker. Mr. Gold didn’t know what she’d bought. All he knew was that she’d paid for it in change. Most of it pennies. And that she’d taken the time to count aloud every. Single. One.

Gold returned the greeting as he set his item down on the counter. Clark looked down, and for a half-second he appeared to suffer a muscle spasm isolated to his eyebrows. Then his customer service smile clicked back into place, and stayed there through the rest of the checkout process.

Clark held out Gold’s shopping bag—an opaque black one, Gold had noticed, unlike the flimsy white affairs that were synonymous with a trip to Clark’s store—and bobbed his head. “Have a good night, Mr. Gold.”

To Clark’s credit, there was not a trace of scorn or humor in his expression. Not even when Gold smirked and said, “Thank you. I certainly will.”

Though as he turned, he thought he saw in the corner of his eye Clark’s face crumpling into a look of naked horror.

The three people who had been in line behind Gold suddenly straightened and made a point of looking in any direction that did not lead to him.  When he passed them, their stares followed him like arrows in his back, but he just smiled slightly and stepped outside.

“Mr. Gold!”

He looked up to see Ruby flagging him down from a little ways down the street. He sighed, but paused long enough for her to teach him.

“Uh, sorry to bother you,” she said. She rocked on her feet like a bird, ready to fly off at a moment’s notice. “But my battery just died,” She gestured to her car, which sat alongside the curb with the hood propped open. “And I need to take some deliveries across town. I was wondering if maybe you could give me a jump…?”

“If you’re having car troubles, dear, I suggest calling a mechanic.” Gold said before starting off again.

“No wait!” She darted forward until she was alongside, then in front of him, forcing him to stop short.  Ruby had never feared him as much as the rest of the town, but she’d never been so brazen in approaching him, either. Another sign of the curse breaking, he supposed, though she’d picked a bloody awful time to exercise her newfound boldness, and he made sure to show his displeasure in the turn of his lip.

She wavered for a moment beneath his stare, then spread her hands imploringly. “Please? It’s Sunday, the shop is closed. It’ll only take a minute, I promise. I’ve already got the cables hooked up and everything.”

Gold glanced up and down the street. There was no one else to help her, of course. And while he’d ordinarily have no qualms about brushing her off and continuing on his way, Ruby was a friend of Belle’s. And he did not look forward to the conversation he and Belle would have if—no, _when_ she heard that Gold had left Ruby to fend for herself.

He sighed again. “Fine. I’ll bring the car around. But miss Ruby— let’s be quick about it, shall we?”

* * *

Twenty minutes wasn’t long in the grand scheme of things, but for Gold every moment spent away from the woman in his bed was a moment wasted. As Ruby waved farewell to him through her window, Gold settled back into the driver’s seat of his own car and started for home.

Much as he’d have liked to drive the pedal through the floor, he restrained himself as he drove through the labyrinth of cross streets that divided Storybrooke’s residential areas. There could be children about, after all, and no amount of desperation on his part was worth risking him hitting one.

A pity the neighborhood pets couldn’t show him the same courtesy. He slammed on his brakes.  A dog vanished beneath the curve of his hood.

Cursing, Gold stepped out of the car to survey the damage.

The dog was hunched and shivering in the middle of the street. Besides pissing itself in terror, it didn’t seem to have suffered any damage. It whimpered softly at Gold’s bumper, which loomed a scant few inches from its snout in silent warning of how close it had come to testing the theory that all dogs go to heaven.

Gold crouched low to confirm that the dog wasn’t bleeding, but when he got too close the dog yelped and bolted across someone’s front yard. It couldn’t be too injured, then. How wonderful for it.

Gold set off once more, keeping a keener eye out in case any other small creatures decided that they wanted to play chicken with four tons of steel.

Once he drew within three blocks of home, visions of Belle flushed and wanting started to flicker through his mind. His fingers squeezed the wheel and he smirked. He may have been gone longer than he planned, but he’d make sure Belle felt it was worth the wait.

Two blocks now. Ahead of him he saw Henry and one of his little school friends. Paige, came the name after a moment. Really Grace, really the Hatter’s daughter, but in this world she lived with the nice little Morton family in a home cut and pasted from a handbook on the American Dream.

Paige was cupping her hands to her mouth and shouting while Henry peered into the deepening shadows of twilight. The boy _should_ be home by now, but Henry had never been one for following Regina’s orders. It was one of many reasons Gold liked the boy.

The pair stepped into the crosswalk, blocking Gold’s turn. Henry sees him through the windshield and darts over to the passenger side door, tapping on the glass and leaving a distinct fingerprint there. And that was one reason why Gold sometimes _dis_ liked the boy.

“Can I help you, Henry?” Gold asked. He managed to sound pleasant, though he kept glancing past Henry to the tantalizing stretch of road that separated him from Belle.

“Paige lost her dog,” said Henry. “Have you seen her anywhere?”

Gold frowned. “A Collie of some kind?”

“Yes!” said Paige.

“I saw her on Toad Hill Road just a minute ago. She ran off towards Willow Street.”  Gold neglected to mention that instead of running off she’d nearly been run _over._ There was no need to upset the girl.

Still, her face crumpled in dismay “Toad Hill? How did Fly get all the way over there?”

Gold thought it would be rather easy to do when you weren’t restrained by fences or a leash. But children weren’t proper targets for sarcasm, either.

“I wouldn’t suggest walking so far this late in the evening, you two,” Said Gold. “Surely your parents can take you out to fetch her, Paige?”

Paige shook her head. Tears welled in her eyes. “My parents went to visit my grandma in the hospital; they won’t be back for hours.”

“And I can’t stay much longer,” said Henry, scuffing his shoes against the curb. “My mom’s probably waiting for me at your place right now.”

Paige’s shoulders slumped. “You’re right. She’ll get mad at Lisa if you’re not back soon, and I don’t want mom and dad to think she’s a bad babysitter.” She sniffled. “But I’m so worried about Fly. She’s never been so far from home before. What if she gets hit by a car or she eats rat poison or something?”

“She’ll be okay,” said Henry. “Your parents will help you look for her in the…”

Suddenly he grinned and leaned a little ways through the window, making Mr. Gold eye him with no small amount of suspicion. He knew the look of plotting when he saw it.

“Mr. Gold! You know where she was last. Can you help Paige find Fly?”

Gold frowned slightly. “It would be best if you returned home, as Paige said. Your dog will keep for a night.”

Probably. Assuming it had learned from its last brush with death, anyway.

“But she could be anywhere by morning!”

“She’ll come if you call her,” said Paige, seizing the lifeline Henry had thrown her. “She’s very friendly. You won’t even have to get out of your car.”

“I’m sorry, you two, but I’m afraid I’ve made plans for the evening, and I’m already running late (an hour late, by his watch) and I must be getting home…”

Paige and Henry must have been taking lessons from Fly, because they both fixed him with huge, wet puppy eyes. Oh for the love of the gods.

Gold held up a finger. Not the one he wanted to, deep inside, but again. Children. “I’ll drive around _once_. If she comes, I’ll deliver her, but if she doesn’t, you’ll just have to wait until your parents get home.”

“Thank you Mr. Gold!” The children chorused before bouncing off towards the Morton residence. When they were well out of sight, Gold banged his head against the steering wheel.

* * *

It turned out “once” wasn’t even necessary. The dog had backtracked since he’d last encountered it, and he found her trotting down Elm Street. Gold called her name from the car window and she perked, then started towards him.  It was all going very well until she got near enough to smell him, at which point she yelped and retreated half a block.

Of course. If the realms’ hatred of Rumplestiltskin had transferred over to Storybrooke, why wouldn’t the animal kingdom’s hatred of him transfer as well?

“Come now, Fly,” Gold cooed, in what he hoped was a soothing voice. “There’s nothing to be afraid of, dear. I’m just going to take you back to the Morton’s, where you can be nice and warm and safe…”

For every step Gold gained, the dog retreated a yard. Gold stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, then sneered. This wasn’t going to get him anywhere. More importantly, it wouldn’t get him anywhere _fast_.

“All right, pooch, enough of this,” he muttered, his accent thickening in his irritation. He looked around and saw only drawn curtains and lowered blinds. He looked back at the dog, which was still eyeing him warily from the sidewalk. Gold twitched his finger. Fly jumped as though she’d been stung by a bee and swiveled her head to her rump, then just as suddenly swiveled it back. She started walking towards Gold with slow, deliberate steps.

Gold rubbed his forehead. Back home, he could’ve waved his hand and had the dropped the dog right in Paige’s lap. Here, he had to settle for watching his little spark of magic carry her down the road like a broken marionette.

“Enough of this,” he hissed under his breath. He strode over, managed to awkwardly hoist the dog up so that it was balanced half on his arm, half against his chest, then he carried her over to his car and dumped her in the back seat.

“All right, pup. This is how it’s going to go: you’re going to sit quietly in my car for the next, oh, eight minutes, and you’re not going to so much as _sniff_ loudly. And gods help you if you do anything else. Are we clear?”

The dog blinked at him.

Naturally, it made sure to leave a steaming present on the seat while he drove her to her home.

* * *

When Gold finally, _finally_ made it home, he almost dropped to his knees and kissed the floor in the hallway. But he heard movement in the kitchen, and all his frustration of the last hour and a half faded away. He took a few deep breaths to fully calm himself, smiled, then he continued down the hall.

 “I’m back, dearie,” Gold singsonged, reaching into his shopping bag. “And look what I’ve got—”

He rounded the corner into the kitchen and produced the box of condoms with a flourish, then froze.

“Congratulations,” said Emma. Belle was sitting next to her, her face flashing between humor and mortification. Emma had no such dilemma. She grinned across the room at Gold as she took another sip from the large mug in her hands.

Gold returned the box of condoms to the shopping bag. Then he laced his fingers together over the head of his cane so hard that his knuckles ached.

“Sherriff Swan,” he said through grit teeth. “Whatever are you doing here?”     

“Emma came by to ask me something,” Belle explained. “You were taking a while, and I figured you’d been held up, so…”

Emma took in the look on Gold’s face, then turned to Belle. “I can go.”

“No, no, it’s all right.” Said Belle. She half-shrugged at Gold and scrunched her face in apology. “Later? I promise.”

Inside, Gold was having a lovely fantasy of Sherriff Swan not-so-spontaneously combusting. Judging by Belle’s wince, his grin was probably more of a grimace.

“It’s all right, dear. No hurry. I’ll be in the study when you need me.”

Emma made a strangled noise into her mug at “when.” Gold shot her a baleful look before leaving.

* * *

“Rum?”

Gold snorted awake. Belle’s hand was on his back, and she was sitting on the corner of his desk smiling down at him.

“I’m sorry about earlier,” she said. “But it was important.”

He sat up—he’d slumped over his desk in sleep—and frowned. “So important she couldn’t have waited until bloody morning to talk to you?”

“She might have had to if you’d come back earlier.” She sounded more bemused than upset. “What _happened_ to you today?”

“It’s a long story,” muttered Gold. Said story was coming back to him in flashes now, along with a headache. “Let’s just say the curse wasn’t feeling too obliging today.”

He felt her fingers tense against his back, and he quickly shook his head. “It was nothing serious, love. Just nuisances.”

“I see.” Her look of concern faded to sympathy. She slid from the table to his lap, then danced one hand over his chest while the other reached into the pocket of her sweatpants and produced a small, foil-wrapped packet.

“Want to find out if it was worth the trouble?”

Gold grinned, then leaned in for a kiss.


End file.
